Author: Deanne

“Successful people all think, act and operate the same way. They all know what they do, some know how they do it, but very few know why they do what they do,” says author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek in his 2009 TED Talk, “How Great Leaders Inspire Action.”

How many times have you heard an adult in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s ask facetiously, “What am I going to do when I grow up?”

When people don’t know their “why”, they don’t know what is important to them. And to their misfortune, end up being motivated in life by what is important to other people instead of what is important to themselves. And when you are motivated by the wrong thing—money or riches, for example—you will not be able to sustain anything difficult or challenging for the long haul. You will quit the minute it gets too difficult!

That is because knowing your “why” not only compels you to take on challenges and learn new things, knowing your “why” inspires you to keep on going toward your dreams when things get tough.

As Sinek points out in his TED Talk, “Martin Luther King gave the ‘I have a dream’ speech, not the ‘I have a Plan’ speech.

Knowing your “why” is like a magic GPS pointing to your True North. Not only is it the absolute key to achieving your dreams, knowing your “why” gives you:

• deeper purpose and meaning
• more direction in your life
• a reason for your existence
• and a “knowing” of what to do with the time that you have on this planet.

Because when you can start with “the end result in mind, everything else will naturally fall into place,” Sinek explains.

• You will be motivated by something you truly believe in
• You will work harder and better
• You will push through obstacles such as fear, self-doubt and procrastination
• You will make better choices
• You will live longer.

Yes, you will live longer! Studies show that having purpose and meaning in one’s life is correlated to longer lifespans. Now that’s some pretty powerful stuff.

As friend, colleague, and psychologist Dr. Woody brilliantly states, “…when your goals are tethered to your passion, you become driven not dragged to the results you want. You are then poised to do only what is in the interest of your highest and best goals, and your highest and best self.”

If you claim to not have a “Why”, don’t worry, it’s there somewhere, probably buried under the many should’s and ought to’s you have adopted over the years. To help you uncover your true purpose, here are a few questions that you can ask yourself:

• What makes you feel alive?
• What are your strengths?
• Where do you add the greatest value?
• How can you make a difference in this world? (Think greater than yourself)
• Are you willing to do it anyway, no matter what people think or if it embarrasses you?
• What struggles are you willing to tolerate, or what sacrifices are you willing to make?
• What gets you excited about the future?
• How will you measure your life?
• How would you like to be remembered? What would you like written on your epitaph or spoken at your eulogy?

By pondering these questions, you are forced to take a closer look at your life and make sure you are living the life you want.

A special note: For some this may be a scary exercise, especially when thinking about your epitaph, for instance. This brings up the idea of death which can trigger all kinds of uncomfortable feelings. But our mortality plays a huge role in our lives. Death is a fact of life, our clocks are ticking and none of us are going to get out of this alive. This awareness of our own mortality can be frightening, but it can also be motivating. When we know our time is limited, we are forced to use that time in the best way possible. As Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon diagnosed with terminal lung cancer when he was only thirty-five writes in his memoir, When Breath Becomes Air, “Tell me three months, I’d spend time with my family. Tell me one year, I’d write a book. Give me ten years, I’d get back to treating diseases.”  Kalanithi lived his life based on his “why”!

What is your “Why”?

First published at https://www.tradingacademy.com/culture/article/what-is-your-why

Less than 50% of those who make New Year’s resolutions will be successful, according to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology. That means over half of those who set a goal will fail.

The most common New Year’s Resolutions according to a YouGov poll are eating healthier, exercising more, saving more money, self care, reading more, making new friends, learning a new skill, getting a new job, and taking up a new hobby.

So how does one achieve these worthy goals?

One very important strategy is to simply agree to say “yes” to yourself. I have learned that this small little word–yes–has a lot of power. By saying “yes” to yourself you will open up your world to amazing possibilities, and all those things you want to do—eating healthier, getting more sleep, reading more, taking on a new hobby or traveling to Costa Rica—will simply become a by-product.

So how does one say “yes” to yourself? I have come up with seven principles to live by: certain values and philosophies that will help you not only say “yes” to yourself but they will become part of the fabric of your lives leading you to transformation and change.

But first, let me give you a little background. A few years ago, I started the The Yes Mom Blog. My goal was to share my life’s adventures as a homeschooling mom, inspire people to say “yes,” be open to new experiences, stir up a little controversy, and as Maya Angelou suggested, “grab the world by the lapels and kick some ass.”

And I did just that. Kicked some ass, that is. But I also learned something in the process that changed my life. I found an immense measure of courage, respect, confidence, and myself each time I uttered this three letter word: yes!

And that is what I want for you this new year–to say yes and watch what happens. Watch how every “yes” transforms, requiring stepping out of your comfort zone, and living on the edge where all new growth occurs.

So here is my list. The great thing about this list is that you already have what it takes to say “yes” and achieve your goals. This just helps bring it, or shall I say bring “you”, to the forefront. Let the adventures begin.

Principle 1: Love Yourself and Others Unconditionally
Love with no conditions and no boundaries. Love just because. As Brazilian author, Paulo Coelho, explains, “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving”. When you love yourself unconditionally, it gives you the ability to love others. To love in this manner is the most precious gift you can give to yourself and to the world.

Principle 2: Don’t Be Driven by Fear
Do not be a road block to your full potential because of fear. It is amazing how many people automatically say “no” to the world and choose comfort and security over taking risks or trying something new. Like Albert Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” Yes, life can be scary, but a life driven by fear is no life. It takes a bold person to let go of fear and say “yes” to the world, but the risk is well worth it.

Principle 3: Let Go of Expectations
It is imperative to let go of expectations. By letting go of expectations, you let go of control. Placing controls on one’s self, limits your true potential. So ditch those controlling words like “I should”, “I ought to”, and “I must”. Instead, embrace “I can”, and “I will”. Living life based on “should” is a heavy burden to carry. You either become ridden with a feeling of failure or guilt because you did not live up to your expectations or create a false-self attempting to live up to your expectations. Either way, it is a no-win situation. Living life based on “I can” is a win-win situation!

Principle 4: Believe in Yourself
You are awesome. Throw away doubt and believe in yourself. Doubt will only hold you back and keep you from the life you are meant to live. As Eleanor Roosevelt so brilliantly said, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Trust and believe that you are worthy and valuable. Give yourself permission to live, play, explore, dream, imagine, follow your passions, and of course, make mistakes. If you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying. In order to achieve you must believe.

Principle 5: Live by Principles not Rules
Live by principles, not rules. Many rules are biased, arbitrary and not necessary if you live by principals instead. Principles are basic fundamental beliefs, values and truths. When you live by these truths, good and desirable actions will follow. Like Abraham Lincoln so beautifully expressed, “I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.” These are words to live by.

Principle 6: Roll with the Punches
As Mastin Kipp from The Daily Love says, “If you fall down 1000 times, get up 1001 times.” Life is full of setbacks but do not dwell, crumble or feel like a victim. It is better to roll with the punches and take a few hits than to duck out of the way. You will be stronger and wiser from the experience. This is called resilience. We actually gain resilience over the years by taking punches and dealing with life’s problems. So the old adage is true, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

Principle 7: Do What You Love
Do what you love. When work becomes pleasure, it is not work at all. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.” It brings joy and a deep sense of purpose and meaning to one’s life. So, if you want to be a drummer in a rock band, travel the world on a bicycle, join the circus, perform open heart surgery or write that New York Times Best Seller, GO FOR IT! It is your choice. Don’t find yourself behind a desk when you were meant to be behind a drum kit.

As you embrace these seven principles and learn to say “yes” to yourself, you will be amazed at what happens. When you love unconditionally, you will have the ability to love others. When you love others, you live fully. When you are living fully, you will not be afraid to try new things. If something doesn’t work, you will try again. When you let go of “I should” and “I ought to”, you embrace “I can” and “I will”. You will be able to make your own decisions even if it goes against the crowd. You will follow your dreams and become who you are meant to be, not what someone else wants you to be. Your good example will inspire others and in turn give them permission to go after their own dreams. When you live by these 7 principles, you say “yes” to yourself paving the way toward your goals and aspirations.

Happy 2019!

Deanne
These seven principals were first published November 2011 © Copyright

Posted 1st December 2011 by Esteem Yourself BlogTalkRadio

Did you know stress can be good for you? In fact, not only can stress be good for you, stress can be motivating, exciting, and even thrilling. So, when your heart is racing and palms are sweating while trying to meet that deadline, do not panic. Our bodies have a way of protecting us from these moments in life.

For example, a neurotransmitter called oxytocin—also known as the cuddle hormone—is released by the pituitary gland when we are racing against the clock, for example. This stress hormone acts on both our brain and our body—motivating us to reach out to people for support, while at the same time calming our body.

Oxytocin also relaxes the cardiovascular system, aids in the reduction of inäammation—a leading cause of chronic pain and illness—and helps to regenerate new heart cells. In other words, oxytocin strengthens our hearts, both literally and ãguratively.

It is when stress becomes “chronic distress” that it can be harmful to one’s health. Fear, unrealistic expectations, worrying about the future, repetitive thought patterns, over-scheduling, isolating, or procrastination can all turn what was once positive stress into negative distress. As a result, our mental and physical health can become compromised.

If the stress in your life has turned to distress, no worries. There is hope. Because negative stress is a response to an adverse situation or event, not the negative event itself, you have control over how you respond. In other words, it is not stress, per se, that wreaks havoc on your mental and physical well-being, but how you choose to deal with that stress. Therefore, it is imperative to learn healthy ways to manage negative stress.

Below are a few simple strategies for reducing distress put out by the American Psychological Association (APA):

Identify what’s causing stress. Monitor your state of mind throughout the day. If you feel stressed, write down the cause, your thoughts and your mood. Once you know what’s bothering you, develop a plan for addressing it. That might mean setting more reasonable expectations for yourself and others or asking for help with household responsibilities, job assignments or other tasks. List all your commitments, assess your priorities and then eliminate any tasks that are not absolutely essential.

Build strong relationships. Relationships can be a source of stress. Research has found that negative, hostile reactions with your spouse cause immediate changes in stress-sensitive hormones, for example. But relationships can also serve as stress buffers. Reach out to family members or close friends and let them know you’re having a tough time. They may be able to offer practical assistance and support, useful ideas or just a fresh perspective as you begin to tackle whatever’s causing your stress.

Walk away when you’re angry. Before you react, take time to regroup by counting to 10. Then reconsider. Walking or other physical activities can also help you work off steam. Plus, exercise increases the production of endorphins, your body’s natural mood-booster. Commit to a daily walk or other form of exercise — a small step that can make a big difference in reducing stress levels.

Rest your mind. According to APA’s 2012 Stress in America Survey, stress keeps more than 40 percent of adults lying awake at night. To help ensure you get the recommended seven or eight hours of shut-eye, cut back on caffeine, remove distractions such as television or computers from your bedroom and go to bed at the same time each night. Research shows that activities like yoga and relaxation exercises not only help reduce stress, but also boost immune functioning.

Get help. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional who can help you learn how to manage stress effectively. He or she can help you identify situations or behaviors that contribute to your chronic stress and then develop an action plan for changing them.