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Wonder Woman has her lasso. Humans have positive thinking. In fact, positive thinking is one of our strongest superpowers. The cool thing about this superpower is that it fosters optimism, and optimism gives us a feeling of hope and confidence in the future.

Positive thinking works best when we acknowledge that difficult events will occur in our lives. We know that everything doesn’t always automatically work out, but we carry on and take action anyway. And when we take action—embracing possibilities and looking for solutions, instead of feeling hopeless and giving up—our lives are not only improved, but some studies suggest that our lives can be extended.

If thinking positively is not your strong suit, no worries. Like resilience, positive thinking is a skill. This is good news. That means anyone can learn how to embrace this mental attitude. Even the pessimist in you!

To begin, it is important that we first recognize where we may be limiting our thoughts so that we can change them. For example, if that little voice inside your head keeps telling you that you can’t do something, flip it and reverse it. Tell yourself that you can, and you will. Because the more we believe that we can do something, the more we will start looking for ways to make it happen.

As you practice these positive skills, you will find that you are able to solve problems that may have seemed impossible before taking on this new mindset. In addition, you will notice that your attitude will improve overtime. In fact, as you learn to monitor your thoughts and attitude, you will gain more control of your behaviors and your life.

Dr. Judith Moskowitz, a professor of medical social sciences at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine, and colleagues—through their studies of positivity and its effect on mental and physical health—found a strong correlation between positivity and quality and quantity of life (2014). Moskowitz is not alone in her findings. Other studies show similar results. In fact, having a positive outlook on life has been shown to lower the risk of heart disease, contribute to better weight control, drop blood sugar, and reduce stress and inflammation, all while boosting the immune system.

Even those dealing with a life-threatening illness such as cancer can improve the quality of their lives through positive feelings. But be careful. This does not mean the opposite is true; that we can cure ourselves with positive thoughts alone or that we somehow caused our illness. This belief can create victim blaming which is not helpful to anyone when they are dealing with difficulties in life such as cancer.

If you are feeling some pressure to be positive when you are experiencing a highly stressful event in your life, I highly encourage you to let the expectation to be positive go. There are times when you simply need to cry, and that is okay. Maintaining a positive attitude 24/7 is unrealistic and can add to the emotional weight you may already be carrying. Feelings of sadness, stress, frustration, anxiety, and fear, for example, are all a normal part of life. Don’t beat yourself up when you are feeling down. Instead, embrace them and move on when you are ready.

There is “a time to weep, a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

Even though it has been almost eight years since my cancer diagnosis, I speak a lot about my journey. Why! 1) My experience with cancer has made me who I am today. 2) It is my desire to give back and help others, and 3) I have realized that many people relate to my story. Not because of cancer, however. They relate to my story because they relate to the journey itself, and the immense amount of strength and resilience one can gain as a result of trekking through difficult situations in one’s life.

Resilience is a person’s capacity to manage stress and cope with crisis and adversity. Resilience is a healthy adjustment to a setback. Resilience is rebounding more quickly and harnessing one’s own inner strength. Resilience is personal growth, and it is powerful stuff!

George Bonanno, professor of Clinical Psychology from Columbus University says when someone is hit with loss or trauma as a result of relationship issues, health problems, or workplace and financial worries, for example, it is resilience that gets them back on track.

Not surprisingly, resilient people tend to be more flexible, view set-backs as temporary, practice being grateful, seek support from others and take care of themselves. If one lacks resilience, however, they may tend to feel like a victim, become overwhelmed easily, and dwell in the negative, sometimes even choosing unhealthy and self-sabotaging behaviors such as substance abuse, overeating, or other avoidant mechanisms and distractions.

If you feel that resilience is not your strong suit, no worries, you are not doomed. Bouncing back is a process, not a character trait. In other words, resilience is learned. Unfortunately, learning to be resilient requires a few blows. But as you learn to roll with the punches that life delivers, you in turn get stronger. So the idiom, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” is not so far from the truth.

 

As a writer, Associate Professional Clinical Counselor, Success, Culture and Communications Coordinator at Online Trading Academy, cancer survivor, and mother of three grown children, I would like to take this opportunity to share a few things I have learned over the years. Things I wished I learned instead of algebra. Things I wished my parents told me, but I wouldn’t have listened if they did. Things I know I can’t teach my kids, but I try anyway. These are the things that matter most. Things I want to share with you as a reminder of what is important in this life.

This is MY list. I do not assume that what matters most to me matters most to you. But I have a feeling that we are not all that different from each other. I know this list is not complete. This is “Part One” of many. Take what you want, and leave the rest.

Things That Matter Most

You are one of a kind, an original. Out of the 7 billion people on this planet, no one has your talents, your abilities, your body, your mind or your spirit.

Live a life worth living, a life full of possibilities, a life that matters. No regrets!

Take care of your body. For your body is a hallmark of your story.

Write a good story. And don’t be afraid to revise it from time to time.

Eat whole foods, exercise daily, go outside, and breathe deep the fresh air and sunshine.

Keep learning, reading, travelling and saying “yes” to the world. There are teachers everywhere and learning moments in every experience, good and bad.
Embrace them both.

Think outside of the box. Better yet, get rid of the box altogether.

Be creative. Keep busy. Boredom is a symptom of the unimaginative.

Do not spend more than you earn.

Do not listen to that annoying little voice in your head. It’s just an annoying little voice. Instead, go deeper. Listen to the voice that knows–the voice with power, the one true voice. It will not lead you astray. It knows what is best for you, even if you don’t. And the more you pay attention to it, the easier it gets.

When that voice (not the annoying little one) is telling you to do something, and you are scared to death to do it, do it anyway. Fear is just fear. That’s all. Do not let it keep you from your dreams.

Take risks. Make mistakes. Put yourself out on a limb. Do not be afraid to make a fool of yourself. Do not be afraid to be wrong. You will miss out on a full and meaningful life if you play it safe. Don’t miss out!

Learn to live with the anxiety that comes with not missing out. Get good at feeling uncomfortable. Discomfort is normal. It means you are living.

Do not anesthetize with food, alcohol, social media or another person. Do not fall for distractions, fantasies and quick fixes. “A life lived only in search for highs will prove in the end to be a transient superficial life.” James Hollis

Accept that we truly know nothing. Accept the fact that everything on this list could change next year. Accept that you will never know all the answers. The one thing that is for sure is that nothing is for sure. Embrace this ambiguity. It is a sign of being a grown-up.

Grow up!

Be open! Open your heart. Open your arms. Open! Unlock the mysteries within. Break down your walls. If you have to, get that sledgehammer out…

And love…love with all your heart. Love like Moses, Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha combined. Love until it hurts. And it will hurt.

And when it hurts, go ahead and cry. “…you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.” Lemony Snicket

Be the compassion you want to see in this world. Feel other’s suffering. Be empathetic. Do not judge.

Loneliness is a human condition.

Solitude is the cure.

There is no magical other. I repeat, there is no magical other. Do not expect someone to take care of you, validate you, rescue you, or complete you. Only you can complete you!

Don’t take anything personally. Toltec wisdom says, “Nothing others do is because of you.”

Nothing!

Live and let live.

Let go and forgive. Forgive others and most of all forgive yourself.

Anger and resentment are self-destructive. You are the one that suffers.

You cannot control another human being. And no one can control you.

You are the boss of you. Take personal responsibility for yourself. No one can protect you from necessary choices. The choices are yours alone. You own them. Take a stand. Be empowered.

Have a say in your own life.

You do not need permission.

Live with integrity. Be impeccable with your word. Don’t assume anything and always, always do your best.

Do not assume that if you are a good person and you live a good life that life will be good to you.

The Universe does not work that way.

Life is not fair. And that is okay.

When life is not happening the way you want, when it is moving slowly or not moving at all; be patient. Allow things to happen without forcing an outcome.

And be happy!

Happiness is inside of you. It is not out there. It is a state of being. Elusive, like trying to catch a butterfly, it bounces on the air here and there, occasionally landing on a random flower or you, then flutters away bouncing off into the air again, usually just out of your reach. Be thankful when it lands. And when it flies away, know that it will land again.

Be grateful.

It’s all about the journey.

And, never ever ever give up! As Odysseus reminds us in his hero’s voyage, “I will stay with it and endure through suffering hardship, and once the heaving sea has shaken my raft to pieces, then I will swim.”

Swim, my fellow travelers, swim.

You’ve got this!